I'm proud to be launching a new feature on my blog that I will call "Dad Talks". This is when I take the opportunity to sit down with a recent new dad and chat with him about his experiences prenatal, during labour and post-natal. I hope that with this feature, expectant and new fathers will be able to see that there are others going through what they are going through and have much of the same feelings and concerns as they. I will post these once a month at first.
Back in June (sorry for the delay posting, I took some time with my family in July), I sat down with Michael Reimer to hear about the birth of his daughter Jayda, born on March 24, 2013.
Dad Talks Round 1 - Michael Reimer, father of Jayda (born 24 March 2013)
Michael, his wife Amy and their daughter Jayda.
1.
Before the birth, what fears did you have
surrounding birth? How did those change for you after experiencing
the birth?
I wouldn’t say ‘fear’ but I was more anxious
regarding on how my role would change in life. I really didn’t know what to
expect becoming a dad, and I knew I had to go into it with an open mind.
After the birth, everything seemed so natural. My
main focus was the health and wellbeing of my child. I wasn’t focused on myself
anymore, but on my family. It’s amazing how quick your focus changes when you
have your child born. Once your focus changes, everything else seems to fall
into place.
2.
What do you wish someone had told you before the
birth of your child? What advice would you give to a first time dad?
Hmm…I am really not too sure about this one. I went
into it so open minded, and it all went so smooth, even though my wife
delivered 7 weeks early. I really don’t know.
I guess the first thing I would say is go into it
with an open mind. I would also tell a first time dad to take it one day at a
time, and to focus on what’s best for the family. Once you do that, the hurdles
don’t seem as big and the road doesn’t seem so ‘long’…especially when you have
a fussy baby. Take it one day at a time. Expect the unexpected.
3.
Which part of the birth did you find to
be the most difficult or challenging for you?
The whole time leading up to the birth, my wife was
so focused on what she needed to do, but I just had to wait. My wife was in
labour for 19 hours and I felt like I wasn’t really needed. I knew my wife
needed me there, but its not like I could do much to help the situation. I just
had to wait, and be patience…and patience for me is a hard thing. I just had to
make sure my wife was doing ok and stay out of the way of the doctors and nurses.
I then kept my family updated through the process.
4.
Did you have support during
the birth from your guy friends or brother(s)? If so, what was the
most supportive? If not, what would have helped you the most?
No, I didn’t have support during the birth from my
guy friends, and frankly, I liked it that way. It was just me and my wife and
it was a great bonding experience for the both of us. We both did great. I
honestly can’t think of anything that would have helped me more.
5.
How was your interaction with your birth team
during the birth? What could have made that better?
The nurse my wife had, was amazing and it was very
quiet on the delivery floor that day. Because of that, and the fact my wife was
delivering 7 weeks early, we had everyone’s attention and they stayed on top of
the situation very well. We certainly have no complaints about our care.
6.
How has the relationship with your partner changed
after the birth of your child?
Definitely different. Now there is always a baby
attached to us that is in constant need to attention and care every hour. Our
attention has now shifted from each other to our child now. We are both playing
a support role right now. Down the road, once routines are more established,
hopefully our focus can balance out more once again.
7.
Will you describe the emotional/spiritual side of
your birth experience from a man's viewpoint?
The birth was very surreal. Observing what was
actually happening, so many thoughts are rushing through your mind…and before
you know it you are a dad. At that moment I wasn’t sure what to do – shout for
joy, stand in awe, panic…but what a miracle God gave us! After the ‘shock’ wore
off that’s when your fatherly instinct kicks in and you just marvel and your
new child.
8.
What did you do to take care of your new family after the birth of
your daughter? (I'm most curious to hear your thoughts on this point because of
your experience with having a child in the NICU) What advice do you have for a
new dad having to face the event of his child being cared for in the NICU?
Well, I had to go back to work so my wife tackled most of
the care during the day. After work I would go straight to the hospital to see
them both. We would then come back for supper and then sometimes go back for an
evening visit as well. I made a promise to see my daughter AT LEAST once a day
no matter how busy I was. It took effort but was certainly well worth it. At home,
I just made sure my wife was doing good and gave her the support she needed as
well.
For all other dads whose child might be in the NICU, take it one day at a time. The biggest thing during this time is to give
your wife all the support she needs. She will be doing most of the ‘work’
especially if she is planning to breastfeed and you have to go back to work.
Then together take it one day at a time. It may be 2 steps forward and 1 step
back in the NICU, but know that the care in the NICU is what your baby needs,
and that is what is best for them. It was really great watching my daughter
grow stronger in the NICU and we just kept reminding ourselves that is what was
best for her at the time.
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Jayda was home at the time of the interview and is doing great! I want to thank Michael for taking the time to share these thoughts, feelings and experiences with everyone for the inaugural dad talks feature. I hope through these monthly posts, we can get a closer look as to what a dad is feeling and thinking as he begins the greatest journey there is, the journey of Fatherhood.
I welcome your comments on this and any other post! Enjoy the rest of your summer, talk to you next week.
In fatherhood,
Blair
